In pairs, one as client, one as interviewer, complete Q21 and discuss the scores.
It is very difficult to see oneself objectively, well actually impossible, so it is a true service to another to give them a degree of honest feedback. Many of us have involvement with others that centres on the giving of attention — and in some cases it is mostly a one-way conversation rather than an exchange, perhaps because the other has more need than we have at the moment. The secret to being a good counsellor is to have big ears and a radiant heart. Let’s focus on the ears — the importance of listening to others — since in general this is an area where so much improvement can be brought about with such a small degree of effort. Listen.
• Remain open, neutral and non-judgmental to all possibilities.
• Listen carefully and actively to all that your client says.
• Ask open questions rather than closed ones.
• Use silence. This often elicits further responses that could reveal important clues.
• We don’t have to fix things. Our task is not to heal our clients; it is to help them heal themselves!
• There are no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ ways to do Q21. There are no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ responses.
• You can reflect back … “I notice that you scored X for the question Y. Tell me about that.”
• All the questions are designed to be provocative. Expect them to provoke!
• The questions provide opportunities for high quality attention to be focused on any and every aspect of a person’s life.
• This quality of attention and what emerges can often be uncomfortable and challenging.
• Individual scores do not matter – the numbers are not meaningful except subjectively. Low scores are not ‘bad’. High scores are not ‘good’.