Exercise
Answer these questions with a score from 1 to 10. 1. Do you usually wake up feeling enthusiastic? 2. Do you ‘take life as it comes’ with easy acceptance? 3. Are you using your talents well? Discuss the reasons for any noteworthy score, and your relationship generally with the word Yes. Teaching Do you usually wake up feeling enthusiastic? Typically a child is actively involved in the experience of joyful curiosity within the very first moments of waking. That’s the natural state, free of fear. In contrast, so many adults are resentful at having to get up and go to work. Each awakening is troubled immediately with anxiety or a depressed mood. Those first feelings are eloquent testimony to the expectations we have for the day ahead and so let us know whether we have a relaxed acceptance that whatever comes will be fine. Do you ‘take life as it comes’ with easy acceptance? As time goes by, more and more we come to see that we somehow survive even worst-case scenarios. Our expectations often go unfulfilled, and instead our fears are realised, yet still we manage to pull through. It’s true that occasionally we often get almost exactly what we want, yet truer that actually we get something else, and truer still that the something else actually becomes the better option. So why not relax then? Why resist what can’t be changed? Are you using your talents well? It is surely obvious that we all have amazing talent? All that we need to do is to trust our ability, and then we find ourselves to be supremely resourceful and capable of unthinkable achievements. Nothing is to be gained by believing in our limitation – except limitation itself. By surrendering to the highest within us we allow a greater life-force to operate through us, which expresses itself in the form of knowledge and talents. These need to be used in order to claim them, and therefore our full magnificent birth right to be wonderful people! www.jamesburgess.com/7-words-yes.html
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Exercise
Answer these questions with a score from 1 to 10. 1. Do you make amends if you cause harm? 2. Are you relatively free of guilt? 3. Are you a person who can forgive and forget? Discuss the reasons for any noteworthy score, and your relationship generally with the word Sorry. Teaching Do you make amends if you cause harm? In some spiritual groups, on camps etc, we can observe the process called ‘karma yoga’, which raises the concept of chores to a new level. By doing work in the spirit of sacred service, the effect is to heal ourselves of issues that trouble us. This is the way to understand making amends. It is not done simply to justly compensate the other. It is done to repair the damage in ourselves that is evidenced by our insensitivity to others. When we do the right thing by others, we feel good on a soul level. It’s worth it; benefit outweighs cost by a dimension. Are you relatively free of guilt? This question is also profoundly correlated with happiness. From a truly spiritual perspective, guilt is always wrong – and blame too. So whatever we do that is motivated by guilt or blame will always lead towards an unsatisfactory result. We need to avoid that behaviour, whatever the cost, and to let go of guilt – or our chances of joy are very significantly diminished. Are you a person who can forgive and forget? We all do what we think is right. If we think that someone is doing something wrong then it’s just because their model of the world is different to ours. It explains all the friction and resultant conflict. Forgiveness is more than excusing someone’s bad behaviour; it is much more. Forgiveness is a state of grace that enables a person to release resentment and be fully responsible for everything that they experience in life. It heals the poison of blame and guilt. www.jamesburgess.com/7-words-sorry.html
Exercise
Answer these questions with a score from 1 to 10. 1. Are you an assertive person? 2. Are you good at choosing and asking for what you want? 3. Are you likelier to take action than to grumble? Discuss the reasons for any noteworthy score, and your relationship generally with the word Please. Teaching Are you an assertive person? Being assertive means that we push forward into the world with clear intention to change somebody else’s position. Our vision, of how things can be improved, is a powerful force that motivates us to impact cooperatively upon others so that we change the way things are, certainly improving our own circumstances and hopefully the other person’s as well. Are you good at choosing and asking for what you want? There’s nothing wrong with desire – it is craving that is unwholesome. To get our desires fulfilled, it is necessary first to become very clear about specifically what we want. In order to be assertive we need to know what it is that we are asserting. This may involve overcoming patterns of self-denial, fears of being considered selfish, and even faulty understandings of religious dogma. Then we need to ask for it, because we all need help in one form or another. Prayer has a special way of focusing support at the highest level of being. Are you likelier to take action than to grumble? Grumbling is an expression of pessimism and negativity and does little or nothing to enhance our wellbeing. What works is taking action. We need to focus positively on the required result and speak in words that suggest an expectation of success. Such an attitude will align our own will to succeed with those involved with us, and will strongly support the attainment of our goals. www.jamesburgess.com/7-words-please.html
Exercise
Answer these questions with a score from 1 to 10. 1. Are you good at avoiding being stuck in a rut? 2. Do you have courage to move into the unknown? 3. Do you quickly let go of the past? Discuss the reasons for any noteworthy score, and your relationship generally with the word Goodbye. Teaching Are you good at avoiding being stuck in a rut? Life is about movement so being stuck in any situation is not healthy. There is a strong tendency for all of us to continue to do what we have always done, and this carves the track of our lives. It becomes increasingly difficult to cut new paths when the old ones are deep and unquestioned so we may be caught up or bogged down without knowing we are. We must realise that such unconscious habits of behaviour need to be avoided lest we become trapped and begin to lose vitality. Do you have courage to move into the unknown? Typically many people fear the unknown. It takes decisive courage to overcome our disinclination to take risks, and this applies to all areas of life. New job, new town, and new relationship – these are all obvious. What about new opinions, new perceptions, and new beliefs? We know so very little! The universe of possibilities is vast and mainly unexplored, waiting there for our readiness to have an adventure. Do you quickly let go of the past? This question is profoundly correlated with happiness. To be happy usually means that we can let go of what we cannot influence. Mulling over our personal history can be useful if it brings a better awareness of the present, yet dwelling on past pain, lost opportunities, errors of judgment and so on – this will never bring us what we want. Life is now; it is the only thing that is real. So when we have properly completed our involvements, and tied up what needs to be resolved, then to move on requires us to let go. www.jamesburgess.com/7-words-goobye.html
Exercise
Answer these questions with a score from 1 to 10. 1. Do friends & associates often thank you for your kindness? 2. Do you often give gestures of appreciation? 3. Do you easily win children’s confidence? Discuss the reasons for any noteworthy score, and your relationship generally with the word Thanks. Teaching Do friends & associates often thank you for your kindness? We get out of life what we put into it, so a good way to find out how well we express appreciation is to notice how much we receive. It costs so little to show others how much they mean to us yet so often we forget to make those small gestures that let them know. Kindness is a powerful agency of the heart that can resolve problems, avoid obstructions, soften emotional pain and promote harmony and happiness. Ingratitude can leave a stain on the heart that poisons the mind and robs us of joy. Do you often give gestures of appreciation? How frequently should we be kind? Is twice a year appropriate at Christmas and on birthdays? Perhaps such institutionalized rituals of giving are important as a base line below which we do not fall – yet surely a smile, a word of thanks, a gentle touch or a grateful glance can be offered more often. It’s the thought that counts, not the monetary cost. A spontaneous bunch of flowers can mean more than an expensive ritual gift. Do you easily win children’s confidence? Kids usually know whether an adult has a warm heart. It takes gentleness, sincerity and a soft tone to win the trust of a child, so if we can learn to feel in tune with children then probably we have learned the secret of heart-centredness. Simply focusing attention on our heart feelings is enough to develop a greater depth of rapport – which actually is appreciated by adults too. Healthy, mature adults are not afraid to play children’s games; from time to time it’s good to be vulnerable and let go of the serious grown-up image. www.jamesburgess.com/7-words-thanks.html
Exercise
Answer these questions with a score from 1 to 10. 1. Are you truly interested in the views and attitudes of others? 2. Do you make opportunities to meet new people? 3. Do you make friends and contacts if you go to new place? Discuss the reasons for any noteworthy score, and your relationship generally with the word Hello. Teaching Are you truly interested in the views and attitudes of others? People can feel whether our interest in them is genuine, and if it is then they respond positively and open up. Such an exchange can lead to a mutual expansion of opportunity and understanding, and of course allows us to express more of our own ideas and experiences. Without such opportunities then there is a tendency to let life go by without keeping abreast of the changing nature of reality. And be aware…it’s not enough to respond to our feelings of interest – we may need to do work to cultivate those feelings. Do you make opportunities to meet new people? Travel broadens the mind. It expands our awareness of everything in life by showing us new ways to do things, new things to do and different perceptions. Spiritual and personal growth is measured by whether our perceptions are constantly shifting: it’s good to change our minds. Meeting new people makes us engage with the part of us that yearns to travel because we need a similar attitude of attention – one that acknowledges unknowingness and responds with healthy curiosity. Do you make friends and contacts if you go to new place? A casual encounter may change our point of view for a while, yet the integration of a permanent change of awareness requires something of more substance. To absorb into our life new people and the new ideas they bring is to make solid a shift of perception which then forms an aspect of our new mind-set. From this is born new plans and new circumstances, a breath of fresh air that invigorates and sustains openness. It supports a healthy mental attitude and all that goes with it. www.jamesburgess.com/7-words-hello.html
Exercise
Answer these questions with a score from 1 to 10. 1. Do you prevent people from taking advantage of you? 2. Do you stick to your No decisions? 3. Do you mostly feel free from imposition? Discuss the reasons for any noteworthy score, and your relationship generally with the word No. Teaching Do you prevent people from taking advantage of you? “That’s not fair!” we proclaim as a heartfelt complaint against injustice in the world. And we do it again and again as though we are surprised, unable to grasp a simple truth that actually life doesn’t dish up justice very often. People mostly take what they can and somehow find a way to justify that as OK… unless we stop them. It is for us to make our boundaries clear and enforceable so that others respect us and our choices. If we don’t do that, well then actually it’s our problem. Do you stick to your No decisions? A true No is strong and consistent, not often changed by the persuasive voice of another. If it isn’t, then it’s just not real and will be frequently challenged or ignored. It doesn’t work to offer a wishy-washy hint at No. Let it be said clearly, firmly and once, then the tone of voice, the posture of body and expression of face will convey certainty and be respected. Do you mostly feel free from imposition? Whatever we may think we’re doing to keep strong boundaries, it is important to notice how we feel. If unable to be true to the inner self, then somewhere our personal boundaries are compromised. This could be because we are projecting a false image – one that pleases parents, bosses and peers – and pretending all is well instead of clearly refusing to play their silly game. The resultant discomfort and inconvenience of making a stand is temporary, and more than compensated by the sense of dignity that develops within us. www.jamesburgess.com/7-words-no.html
Exercise
In pairs, one as client, one as interviewer, complete Q21 and discuss the scores. www.jamesburgess.com/questionnaire.html Teaching It is very difficult to see oneself objectively, well actually impossible, so it is a true service to another to give them a degree of honest feedback. Many of us have involvement with others that centres on the giving of attention — and in some cases it is mostly a one-way conversation rather than an exchange, perhaps because the other has more need than we have at the moment. The secret to being a good counsellor is to have big ears and a radiant heart. Let’s focus on the ears — the importance of listening to others — since in general this is an area where so much improvement can be brought about with such a small degree of effort. Listen. Tips • Remain open, neutral and non-judgmental to all possibilities. • Listen carefully and actively to all that your client says. • Ask open questions rather than closed ones. • Use silence. This often elicits further responses that could reveal important clues. • We don’t have to fix things. Our task is not to heal our clients; it is to help them heal themselves! • There are no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ ways to do Q21. There are no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ responses. • You can reflect back … “I notice that you scored X for the question Y. Tell me about that.” • All the questions are designed to be provocative. Expect them to provoke! • The questions provide opportunities for high quality attention to be focused on any and every aspect of a person’s life. • This quality of attention and what emerges can often be uncomfortable and challenging. • Individual scores do not matter – the numbers are not meaningful except subjectively. Low scores are not ‘bad’. High scores are not ‘good’. www.jamesburgess.com/7-words.html
Exercise
Keywords:
Choose one of the 28 Keywords and study it in depth, asking such questions as:
Teaching Primary Words: No Hello Thanks Goodbye Please Sorry Yes Each Primary Word has 4 associated Keywords and if we have difficulty with one of the Primary Words then one or more of the associated Keywords needs to be better understood. Typically we gloss over our understandings of familiar words, yet when we look more deeply into our relationship with them, we can find a wealth of helpful insights.
Exercise
In turn each member speaks the word ‘No’ and the others offer feedback on the way the word was said. This can then be done for the other 6 words: Hello, Thanks, Goodbye, Please, Sorry and Yes. Let this exercise be done slowly and carefully, perhaps even taking several sessions to complete the set of 7 words. Teaching The meaning delivered by any word depends more on the tone and attitude of the speaker than the conceptual idea of words themselves. To be able to embrace and deliver our intended message we must clearly embody its meaning as a body state, which is seen in the tone and attitude as we speak. Receiving authentic feedback about how well and truly we find, and can deliver, the appropriate tone and body state for each primary word helps us become clear and strong in each of these 7 primary life messages. A strong No is firm and clear; a good Hello is friendly and opening; Thanks is said with warmth and touches the heart; Goodbye suggests decisiveness and dynamism; Please is spoken in the spirit of optimism and cooperation; Sorry has a remorseful tone, and Yes is best said to convey enthusiasm. https://www.jamesburgess.com/7-words.html |
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