7 Words Study: Thanks

The Heart Affirms Naively Kind Scenarios

Innocence of Children

Thank You is innocent and warm-hearted; it can demonstrate vulnerability and, because of that, bring joyful tears. It is in the atmosphere conveyed by a sincere act of giving and showing appreciation for the qualities we value in our loved ones. Somewhere in our secret recesses we have kept alive this innocence that was most becoming when we were children. It is joyous and kind, it knows only of sharing, it accepts what is — for what it is, and is excited by each new day’s dawning in expectant anticipation for the pleasure of responding to the unknown.

Nostaligia of Adults

As adults we may look back upon certain days with profound nostalgia. Perhaps a simple memory of a quiet family day out when a child made a daisy-chain, the rain that fell so suddenly upon the picnic that we needed to dash for cover to avoid a drenching. The simple things are often remembered because they can touch the heart.
​In any situation, there can be found an aspect that is worthy of appreciation. If the positive qualities are not apparent then we can redefine seemingly negative things and learn to turn them around so they work for us — or better — for the greater good. Perhaps then we will come to appreciate all life for its own sake, including the challenges, because they make us stronger, including the suffering, because it promotes compassion and including the disappointments, because we trust they will always be eventually overtaken by a better opportunity.

Feeling Appreciation

The meaning within gestures of appreciation lies in the feeling, and unless actually felt and sincerely expressed, then there will be a hollowness.

Getting to Know You

As we get to know someone better during the Hello stages of development, we settle into a level of acceptance of the person, their ideas and behaviours and so on. The protective shields around the heart relax, allowing the feeling centre to operate. Usually this experience is enjoyable. What began with social courtesy and grew into genuine interest has flowered into enjoyment and we feel warmth and appreciation so we express (push out) these feelings towards the other as a natural spontaneous response. This appreciation has the effect of raising the value of the other; they become more valued, more valuable — not only to you but also within themselves.

Value Assessment

In the 7 Words context whereas Appreciation is generally acknowledging worth, Valuing implies specific measurement of worth in relation to something else. Idealistically, this is shown within the spirit of art. Certain artists invest their lives in the pursuit of bringing awareness to the importance of detail upon the sense we have of beauty, as though they have access to another dimension of life simply by their enhanced perception of detail. It’s not what we see but how we see that makes such a difference. 

Eye of the Beholder

As with artists, so with playful children there is still present the natural ability and inclination to find whatever there is to find in any situation. This demonstrates that perception creates the value of the object. Simply put this equates to ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’. Yet how do we address the real challenge: how can I train my eyes to choose to behold only beauty?

Sympathetic Resonance

The sympathy of love is a resonance that unites one with another in such a profound bonding, a connection that no material lordship will diminish. To heal the neediness arising from childhood problems, an individual will go through a process of self-awakening that has particular stages and aspects. Certainly this process will be unique for each of us and yet not without a common pattern that can be understood. ​

The Heart Does Not Measure

This includes having to reorient our motivations towards the directions of Love and Truth. We each have to face the truth of who we are and learn to love ourselves completely, even the grubby bits. Were we to be self-judgmental we could not be free from judging against others and therefore imperfect in our love — because conditional love is not Love. Love cannot be love if it is measured, since measurement is not a facility of Heart. ​

Keywords for Thanks

Appreciation
In showing appreciation we are demonstrating first and foremost that we do not take for granted, that we are aware of what we ourselves gain and enjoy from a particular involvement. By its very nature, appreciation must make a distinction between this and that—the whole point being that the one appreciates the other specifically—and so it requires clear identification of the person being appreciated, and why. It is not only involvement itself that we are appreciating; it is the particularities of the involvement, and the qualities that we experience through it, which makes us feel good and true to ourselves.

​Valuing
We can see that we offer our thanks differently according to the value we feel to express. Appreciation is generally acknowledging worth, whereas Valuing implies specific measurement of worth in relation to something else. It’s rather wonderful to notice that in the act of saying Thank You, both giver and receiver are raised in value. Each feels that something of importance has occurred in the connection made by the gesture.
What we choose to develop is a direct statement of what we value—in life and in ourselves, so we can choose to train ourselves to serve those ideals and goals that we find worthwhile. The cost for this course of training could not be higher—it is one’s life, whose purpose has much to do with the determination and expression of our value system.

​Giving
Giving is entirely a natural healthy response to receiving—much more an expression of health than holding. A person who holds is said to be ‘tight’, so it is seen that there may be a link between tightness or rigidity of the body and a reluctance to give: a pliant material is said to ‘give’, that is to give way or bend rather than resist and compete. A person who does not give is called a miser and is expected to suffer misery and be miserable. There can be so much said in silence by the exact appropriateness of the gift, and the giver demonstrates an intimate knowledge by choosing exactly the right thing to give form to the gesture being made. The gift itself has magic because it can focus feelings to a point of a breakthrough to a new realisation, an admission of mutuality, sharing, specialness, importance...love. We can reach a state where no cost is too high as long as the expression of the love felt has been truly communicated.

Heart Essence
No amount of persuasive rhetoric, materiality or coercion can achieve as much influence as the power of heart. Love is not any the less strong because it is soft, nor is it impotent against gross forces; it has its own way and its own time, working on subtle planes unconsciously and gently. Open-hearted people are quite innocent and even childlike, often with a spontaneous readiness to play. In essence, both love and truth have qualities dependent for their exaltation upon the other; love is incomplete unless married to truth. When strong in our truth — in other words not fanciful about who we really are and what love really is — we are tolerant, kind and caring, accepting what comes with an open heart. Otherwise we can be lost in a false world, deluded about life’s realities and somewhat insecure as a result, unable to reach the depth of heart or indeed real love. 

Keys to Relationship

The keywords are very useful tools that can help us to find out what we may need to do to rebalance the way we are in our partnerships. Certainly most of us can do better than we are doing in relationship by giving the whole matter more careful thought. First of all, we need to move out of ‘cloud cuckoo land’ and bring ourselves back to reality. In the real world there are problems, there are emotional upsets, there are misunderstandings, and there is hurt, deceit, mistrust — and so much else that gets in the way of our happiness. Often the most painful of these problems get triggered through interaction with our ‘special other’. The sooner we acknowledge this, the sooner we can get stuck into the challenge of dealing with the difficulties that come up for us.

It is very much more productive and enjoyable to approach these issues with curiosity than with anger and blame — or even hurt and guilt. If either or both parties can maintain this healthy attitude of loving curiosity, then most of the friction becomes minimal. It’s also worth noticing whether the words you give to your lover are more often supportive and appreciative.

Words of appreciation are a healing balm in relationship. Most of us received less acceptance in childhood than we needed, and want to get it now from a lover. That does not have to render the relationship dysfunctional when done truthfully and with care. Certainly it is appropriate to avoid the opposite! Relationships really don’t flourish at all well when there is taking-for-granted, or constant criticism.
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Life Lessons

WEAKNESSES

Typical issues
Taking people and life for granted, having no system of values, poverty consciousness and meanness, churlishness, serious cold-heartedness, heartless lack of grace.
This person has nothing much to offer a child because they lack a sense of wonder. For them, rain is inconvenient, the sun is troublesome, unexpected visitors are seen as impolite to turn up unannounced, spontaneity is very suspect. They can dampen any day with their grumpy mood and never seem to appreciate the joys of life at all!

Dysfunctions
There are parents who really dote too much on their child. The child is appreciated too much, is valued as more important than anything else and this gets interpreted as better than other children. Typically there is a superabundance of material gestures of affection. A rather interesting word is typically used to describe this condition — the child is ‘spoilt’.

Later, as an adult such childhood programming will usually show as a person who wants to continue the illusion that they are special — more special than others — and they don't need to provide what they want for themselves because it is given freely by a doting loved one. The parent-substitute is most likely to be the spouse of course, and yet the attitude of expecting to be spoiled is seen in a wider context too. Such a person shows signs of conceit, even narcissism and has other aspects of behaviour, which are childish — perhaps always needing to get their own way or there will be a tantrum.

Global Issues
Sadly our race has not yet found a sufficient degree of appreciation for human life in all its variety, and so we have too little compassion towards those who need help. This gives rise to the shameful pervasiveness of hunger, disease, poverty, slums and shanty towns. We can see signs of improvement however if we look at the march of history. In times before instant media coverage, we would hear indirectly and late of others’ suffering, so the news would be of interest to the mind but not touch the heart. Now with television we are invited to see the poignant facts with more immediacy, no longer through a glass darkly — and it touches us more deeply.